Getting Started

So I decided to build my own hardwood basketball court after seeing them pro courts on TV. Went online searching like crazy – watched some videos where dudes did it themselves. Figured I could handle it. Ha! Famous last words.

Materials Hunt

First headache was finding proper wood. Local stores kept pushing that fake plastic stuff. Nah man, I wanted real maple hardwood. Drove three hours to some lumber warehouse after arguing on the phone for days. Got the planks but forgot about delivery fees – nearly cried when they charged extra for mileage.

Groundwork Disaster

Cleared the backyard thinking “how hard can leveling be?” Rented this mini bulldozer thing that shook my teeth out. Dug trenches for drainage – hit four water pipes I didn’t even know existed. Water shot up like Old Faithful. Had to call emergency plumber who charged triple because it was Sunday. Wife stopped talking to me for two days straight.

Laying Boards Nightmare

• Tried doing that fancy herringbone pattern from YouTube tutorial – took eight hours for six planks
• Realized the cuts weren’t square when gaps started showing
• Neighbor kept shouting “measure twice cut once!” while drinking beer on his porch

Nailing was worse. My cheap nail gun kept jamming every fifth plank. Started hand-hammering – hands looked like hamburger meat by sunset. Thought I was smart leaving expansion gaps till it rained overnight – woke up to warped boards curling like potato chips.

Finishing Touches

Sanding took forever – looked like I survived blizzard with all that sawdust in my hair. Used this polyurethane finish that smelled like Satan’s armpit. Couldn’t enter garage for a week. Painting lines? Made the keyhole crooked – now half-court looks like drunk rectangle.

Final Reveal

Kids tried playing yesterday. Ball bounces weird near the warped planks. But hey – ball goes through hoop still! Worth every penny? Hell no. Worth doing? Yeah kinda. Next time? Hiring Mexicans with actual experience.