Okay, here’s my attempt at a blog post, following all your instructions:

Alright, so today I tackled this “batten dancing pine assembly wooden flooring” thing. Sounds fancy, huh? Basically, it’s just putting down a wood floor, but with these extra wood strips (battens) underneath for support and, I guess, to make it “dance”? We’ll get to that.

First things first, I cleared out the room. Like, everything out. This is super important, you don’t want to be tripping over furniture while you’re wrestling with planks of wood. Trust me on this one, I’ve learned the hard way.

Next, I made sure that, the floor was clean and level. This involved a lot of sweeping, and then I used this long, straight piece of wood (a level) to check for any bumps or dips. Found a few, so I used some of that self-leveling compound to even things out. That stuff takes a while to dry, so I went and grabbed a coffee/did other things.

Laying the Battens

Once the floor was prepped, I started with the battens. These are just long, thin pieces of wood. I laid them out across the floor, making sure they were evenly spaced. The instructions (yeah, I actually read them this time) said to space them about 16 inches apart, so I used a measuring tape and made little pencil marks to guide me.

Then, I secured the battens to the floor. Now, this is where it got a little tricky. Because My floor is concrete, I used construction adhesive and some concrete screws. If you have a wood subfloor, you’d probably use nails or different screws. Make sure you use the right stuff, or your floor might actually “dance” in ways you don’t want it to.

• Used a drill for pilot holes.
• Applied the adhesive like I was frosting a giant, rectangular cake.
• Screwed those battens down tight.

Putting Down the Pine

With the battens in place, it was time for the actual flooring. I started in one corner of the room and laid down the first row of pine planks. These planks had this “tongue and groove” thing going on, where they kind of click together. It’s pretty satisfying, actually.

I worked my way across the room, row by row, making sure to stagger the joints. That means not having all the ends of the planks line up. It looks better and makes the floor stronger. Think brick wall, not perfectly stacked blocks.

For fixing it, the first row I used some of the wood glue, put it down, and tapped it into place with a rubber mallet (and a tapping block, so I didn’t mess up the edges of the planks). Then, for the rest of the rows, I used a nail gun. SO much easier than hammering every single nail by hand.

When I got to the last row, I had to rip some planks down to size. This means cutting them lengthwise to fit the remaining space. I used a circular saw for this, and let me tell you, safety glasses are a MUST. Sawdust everywhere.

Finishing Touches

Finally, I added some trim around the edges of the room to cover up the gaps between the flooring and the walls. This is called “baseboard” or “skirting,” depending on where you live. I used a miter saw to cut the corners at 45-degree angles, so they fit together nicely. More glue and nails here.

And that’s it! My “batten dancing pine assembly wooden flooring” project is complete. It took most of the day, and my back is definitely feeling it, but it looks pretty darn good. The floor feels solid and, well, I haven’t tried dancing on it yet, but I’m pretty sure it could handle it.