Alright folks, today I’m dumping my hands-on experiment with that portable wooden flooring everybody’s hyping for pad volleyball. Buckle up.

The Setup Disaster

First, I dragged the package outta my garage. Box weighed like a dead body – nearly broke my back hauling it to the backyard. Opened it up expecting perfection, but damn, half the panels had scuffs right outta the packaging. Called customer service and got this robotic “within acceptable damage range” reply. Whatever, I soldiered on.

Assembly Wars

Started slamming panels together following those vague pictogram instructions. Took three tries to get the interlocking system right – kept getting gaps wide enough to lose car keys in. Nearly threw a panel across the yard when the hammer slipped and smashed my thumbnail. Pro tip: wear steel-toed boots during assembly.

My Frankenstein Creation:

• 2 hours cursing at alignment issues
• 3 bruised knuckles from misplaced hammer swings
• 17 splinters requiring tweezers
• 1 neighbor yelling “keep it down”

The Real Test

Finally set up the net with my buddy Dave. First serve went fine, but during the second rally? Whole court shifted like tectonic plates. We spent more time shoving panels back together than spiking balls. Discovered two fatal flaws:

1) Grass ain’t perfectly flat. Even with dew evaporating, the damn thing kept developing valleys exactly where players pivot. 2) Temperature swings made the wood breathe like a dragon. Morning cool = tight joints. Afternoon sun? Expansion gaps you could park a bike in.

Performance Reality Check

Here’s the raw deal after two weekends of torture:

• Grip: Actually decent when dry. Add morning dew? Player becomes Bambi on ice.
• Bounce: Solid on center panels, but edges played dead like overcooked noodles.
• Portability: Sure it breaks down. But lifting those waterlogged panels after rain? Like bench-pressing soaked textbooks.

Final Verdict

Yeah it’s portable. Yeah it’s wood. But “solid”? Nah. Takes NASA-level precision to install on anything but concrete. Requires constant babying during play. Woke up today feeling like I’d been tackled by linebackers – half from volleyball, half from wrestling unstable floor panels.

Spent more time as a court mechanic than athlete. Stick to community center concrete unless you enjoy suffering. Dave ain’t speaking to me after that shin splinter incident. This experiment? Filed under “glorious failures”.