Alright folks, here’s how I tackled my backyard volleyball court project after my knees started screaming from playing on concrete. Wanted something springy to save our joints.

The Disaster Plan

First I tried stacking regular gym mats – total garbage move. They slid apart like buttered toast whenever we dove for balls. Plus rainwater pooled between ’em and grew gnarly green mold patches. Stunk worse than my uncle’s fishing cooler after a week.

Rubber Tree Wood Hunt

Scoured three lumber yards for those rubber tree planks everyone’s buzzing about. Nearly choked when they quoted me $15 per board! Ended up grabbing damaged leftovers from a warehouse clearance sale. Some had ugly scars and weird curves – looked like Salvador Dali designed ’em.

My tool lineup:

• Sledgehammer (for stubborn dirt)
• Cement mixer tub (for gravel washing)
• Industrial staple gun (my MVP)
• Four cases of cheap beer (essential morale booster)

Dirt Wrestling Match

Dug 10 inches deep across the whole court area. Hit solid clay halfway through – swung the sledge till my arms felt like wet noodles. Poured six bags of gravel and drenched it with the garden hose to level properly. Took three attempts because it kept washing away like a sandcastle during high tide.

Rubber-Tack Attack

Mixed scrap truck tire shreds with gorilla glue in that cement tub. Pro tip: Use a stick for stirring unless you wanna pick glue outta arm hairs for weeks. Slapped that nasty black goop on the rubber tree planks and sandwiched ’em together. Had to weigh ’em down with cinder blocks when they curled like potato chips.

Carpet Chaos

Tried saving bucks with dollar store carpet padding – HUGE regret. Ripped apart like wet toilet paper during installation. Upgraded to carpet underlayment rolls instead. Staple-gunned that fluffy layer to the wood planks. Looked like a psychotic teddy bear massacre.

Slap-Happy Assembly

Sweated buckets lugging those heavy panels onto the gravel base. Dropped one on my foot – let’s just say my flip-flop funeral was emotional. Used leftover glue slop to seal gaps between planks. Accidentally glued my sneakers to the court… twice. Final touch: Brushed marine varnish over everything using an old mop.

Grand Slam Test

Invited the whole neighborhood crew for the maiden game. That satisfying THUMP when balls hit the surface? Chef’s kiss. Knee pains vanished like my motivation on Monday mornings. Three thunderstorms later and zero warping! Though Frank did trip on that glue blob I forgot to scrape off – he’s fine, just lost a flip-flop.

Total victory? Hell yeah. Total cost? Let’s just say my wife banned me from hardware stores for six months.