Alright folks, been messing with my backyard volleyball setup again. Tired of jumping on concrete like a dumbass – knees felt like busted hinges after every game. Saw these shock absorbing hardwood floor panels online and went “Hell, why not try?”

Opening Pandora’s Box

First off, delivery dude drops six heavy-as-hell crates. Nearly cracked my driveway. Opened ’em up expecting something fancy – just stacks of plain-ass wood planks with tongue-and-groove edges. Instructions were about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Sketchy cartoon drawings and Chinese translations that read like drunk Google Translate. Threw that manual straight in the recycling.

Groundwork Nightmare

Figured I’d need a flat base, right? Raked my dirt patch for three hours till my back screamed. Poured two bags of sand thinking “This’ll be level enough.” Spoiler: it wasn’t. Stepped on that first test plank – damn thing wobbled like a drunk penguin. Had to re-spread the sand with a damn ruler like some sort of beach OCD patient.

Slapping Wood Together

Started connecting pieces at the corner. First row clicked smooth – felt like a genius. Second row? Absolute nightmare. Those grooves just WOULD NOT lock. Ended up doing this dumb dance:

• Whack plank with rubber mallet ➡️ Nothing happens
• Jump on plank with both feet ➡️ Neighbor laughs from his porch
• Curse loudly ➡️ Suddenly clicks into place

Realized you gotta angle them just right, like sliding a puzzle piece. Took me twenty damn planks to figure that out.

Midway Crisis

Got halfway done when rain decides to piss down. Panicked scrambling to cover everything with a tarp. Next morning, boards had swollen up tighter than new jeans. Had to literally stand on the edges like some lumberjack rodeo clown to force them together. Sweat more than during actual volleyball.

Final Touches & Victory

Last piece needed trimming. Borrowed Jim’s jigsaw – cut it crooked as hell but hey, close enough. Threw the boundary lines on with chalk. Stepped back expecting a lopsided mess… but damn. Looked like a real damn court!

Test jump verdict? Like landing on a firm mattress. Did ten practice spikes – knees felt ZERO pain. Jim’s kid even came over begging to play. Worth every splinter and swear word.

Next weekend’s project? Installing beers-and-burgers-on-demand technology courtside.