So Why Rubber Trees?

Was binge-watching nature docs last Tuesday when saw rubber trees wobbling during storms. Thought “Bet I can make ’em dance on purpose!” Had this old bouncy castle pump rotting in garage. Seemed like fate.

Gathering the Junk

Ransacked my shed like a raccoon. Here’s what I dragged out:

• Scrap rubberwood plank (thanks Dave’s demolished deck)
• Busted air pump with sketchy wiring
• Car suspension springs from that Honda Civic I murdered
• Phone vibration motor ripped from 2010 Samsung

Slapping Things Together

First tried gluing springs under plank. Shook it – timber faceplanted instantly. Got mad. Drank three Dr Peppers.

Next day attached phone motors sideways. Made weird buzzing sound but no dancing. Neighbor complained about “demonic dentist drill noise”.

The Lightbulb Moment

Remembered trampoline physics! Rigged bouncy pump UNDER plank using duct tape and wishful thinking. Fed pump air through garden hose. Plugged in…

BOOM! Whole thing shot upward ceiling. Sawdust everywhere. Cat hasn’t looked at me since.

Finally Made It Wiggle

Turned pump way down and tied rubberwood to chair legs. Added springs as side bumpers like supermarket cart cushions. Started vibrating motor while air pulses hit bottom…

Holy moly! Timber started doing drunken salsa! Wobbled sideways then bounced up-down. Shook whole table but DIDN’T smash dishes!

Current Status

Sits on porch dancing in wind gusts. Looks possessed but survives storms. Wife calls it “that seizure machine”. Best part? Doubles as anti-theft device – nobody touches the creepy dancing wood!