Why I started this crazy project
Danced barefoot last weekend and nearly fractured my heel on concrete basement floor. Enough is enough. Saw fancy “dance floors” costing thousands online – screw that. Decided to build shock-absorbing floor myself using wood parquet squares.
Choosing crap materials
Grabbed 18 unfinished oak parquet tiles from scrap pile behind hardware store. Found torn yoga mats in freebie bin – perfect padding. Stole wife’s industrial hot glue gun when she wasn’t looking.
Assembly chaos begins
Laid yoga mats upside down on basement floor. Hot glue got everywhere:
- First tile stuck fine
- Second tile slid sideways like buttered toast
- Third tile fused to my sweatpants
Glued my hand to floor twice. Screamed when peeling off – took arm hair with it. Changed method: weighted tiles down with encyclopedia volumes while glue dried.
The shocking test
Tried tap dancing first:
- Right foot: felt like jumping on marshmallows
- Left foot: yoga mat shifted sideways
Spilled beer on unfinished wood during victory dance. Now permanently smells like stale IPA. Slammed heels repeatedly – joints didn’t scream for once.
Epic fails and wins
Wife caught me dancing at 2AM. Neighbors complained about thumping. But guess what? My knees stopped cracking like glowsticks. Padding compresses about half-inch when jumping – feels magical.
Total cost: $32 for oak scraps. Yoga mats = free. Lost dignity = priceless.
