So I finally got around to installing that shock absorbing dance floor in my garage studio last weekend. Been planning this forever but kept putting it off cause woodworking ain’t really my thing, ya know? But my knees were screaming after hours of practicing routines on concrete.

The Disaster Zone Prep

First thing Saturday morning, I dragged everything outta that garage space. Brooms, old paint cans, my kid’s rusty bike – all got tossed in the driveway. Swept like crazy till the concrete looked decent, though there were still some gnarly stains from when I tried changing car oil indoors last winter. Measured twice with this wobbly tape measure I’ve had since college.

Material Mayhem

Drove to Home Depot feeling all confident till I saw the maple wood section. Who knew there’d be like 20 types? Some dude in an orange apron kept saying “Janka hardness rating” like it mattered – finally just grabbed the prettiest reddish planks. Grabbed these blue foam pad rolls too for shock absorption. Pro tip: make sure your car trunk closes BEFORE loading eight 10-foot boards.

The Actual Installation Circus

Started by rolling out those blue foam pads on the floor. Cut ’em with kitchen scissors when they wouldn’t fit – probably not what the instructions meant. Then came the maple planks. Thought I could just click-lock them together easy-peasy. First row took me two hours and five splinters. My level showed the whole thing looked like a rollercoaster so I ended up stomping the boards like they owed me money to flatten them.

• Tried that rubber mallet – useless
• Neighbor lent me his rusty crowbar – worked until I gouged plank #3
• Ended up jumping on them in steel-toe boots like some deraged tap dancer

The Final Dance Test

Around midnight I turned on disco lights and tried some basic footwork. Holy moly – it actually bounced! Did three pirouettes just for fun, something my 40-year-old knees haven’t done since prom night. Not perfect – one corner kinda squeaks and I might need to fix that gouged plank – but when I jumped off my practice stool? Didn’t feel that awful jolt up my spine anymore. Totally worth the swearing and band-aids.

Woke up Sunday feeling like I’d been in a street fight but man, nothing beats sliding across real maple. Got blisters but no more joint pain. Just gotta hide that crowbar before neighbor asks about the scratch marks.