Honestly thought shock-absorbing dance floors were for fancy studios, not my dusty garage. Saw a video, got hyped, ordered a pile of boxes labeled “shock absorbing dancing lvl larch assembly wooden flooring.” Big mistake number one. Figured, “How hard could clicking wood together be?” Famous last words.

The Great Unboxing Disaster

Ripped open the boxes like a kid on Christmas morning. Wood planks everywhere. Found the little baggies full of weird plastic bits and foam strips. Felt smug finding the tiny instructions booklet, only to see five different languages and blurry pictures. Tossed it aside thinking, “Pfft, I got this.” Mistake number two.

Started by clearing the garage floor. Swept, cursed at the stubborn oil stain near the workbench. Laid down some thin foam stuff they included – felt cheap, like packing material.

Hammer Time (And Regret)

Decided to start in the corner. Grabbed two planks. Saw the tongue and groove thingy. Seemed simple enough. Slid ’em together. Easy peasy. Got cocky.

Lined up the third plank. Pushed. Wouldn’t click. Pushed harder. Nothin’. Slapped it with my palm. Hurt my dang hand. Got the rubber mallet from my toolbox. Gave it a love tap. Still loose. Hit it harder. CRACK. Chipped the stupid groove off the edge. Threw the mallet down (nearly hit my bike). Dug through the baggies. Found spare plastic locking things? Looked different. Tried jamming one in. Broke it.

This pattern repeated:

• Try to click plank gently. Fail.
• Apply mallet with increasing anger. Break the plank or the plastic bit.
• Dig through the garbage to find more spare parts.
• Sweat profusely.

My garage looked like a lumber yard exploded. Half the foam underlay was wrinkled. Bent plastic pieces littered the floor.

The “Dancing” Part Was a Joke

Finally, after hours of swearing, blistered thumbs, and one broken mallet handle (don’t ask), I had something resembling a floor. Uneven, clicky in places, huge gap by the door where I messed up the measurements early on (oops).

Time for the “shock absorbing dancing” test. Turned on some music. Stepped onto my creation. Took a tentative bounce. Huh. Actually… kinda bouncy. Not “dancing through the night” bouncy, more like “cheap motel mattress” bouncy. Did a goofy shuffle. The floor gave a little. Okay, fine. It absorbed something. Maybe just my enthusiasm. The uneven plank near the wall clacked like castanets.

Lessons Learned (The Hard Way)

So what’s the verdict? Would I do it again? Hell no. It works? Barely. Looks decent if you squint? Maybe.

• Measure Twice, Hammer Never: Seriously, those stupid plastic locks are fragile. Go slow, even if it takes all day.
• Instructions Aren’t Decorations: Actually look at the stupid pictures, even the blurry ones. Might save you snapping a plank.
• Buy Extra Stuff: Definitely needed more of those plastic bits. Should have ordered more before starting.
• Shock Absorbing = Maybe. Dancing Surface = Questionable. Jury’s still out. Mostly just relieved it didn’t collapse.

Garage still smells like fake pine. The floor creaks. My feet are tired. But hey, I built a thing. Mostly by accident.