Okay Let’s Start This Mess

Got this dumb idea stuck in my head after watching some dance videos on my phone during lunch break. People stomping around, floors looking like they were gonna crack any second. Thought, hey, maybe maple is tough enough to soak up some shakes? Figured I’d bang something together, see if it’s worth anything. Spoiler: It was mostly a waste of a Saturday.

First thing, grabbed a leftover chunk of hard maple timber I had lying around the garage. This stuff is heavy, like really heavy. Good for chopping boards, bad for dancing I guess? Didn’t stop me. Measured out a square piece – think it was about a foot by a foot? Didn’t write it down. Got my trusty old saw buzzing, kicked up so much sawdust I looked like a ghost. Cut that piece clean, sanded the edges rough just to avoid splinters. Smooth as butter it wasn’t.

The “Shock Absorbing” Part (Yeah Right)

Now, how do you make wood absorb shock? My brain decided drilling holes might help. Less wood, more space to wobble? Sounded half-baked even then. Grabbed my power drill and three different sized bits. Started making patterns. Big holes, small holes, some close together, some spaced out. Looked like Swiss cheese by the end. Maple fights back when you drill it, let me tell you. Smelled good, like burning maple syrup almost, but it was tough going. Drill kept wanting to jump. Nearly chopped my finger off once or twice, swearwords were flying.

Needed to test this dancing timber nonsense. Threw the drilled slab onto my workbench. Figured stomping on it was the quickest way. Put on my heavy boots – felt like an idiot dancing solo in the garage. Stomped hard, jumped a bit. You know what happened? Wood bounced more than it absorbed. Made a loud, hollow “thud-thud” sound that echoed like crazy. Floor didn’t even notice. Felt all that vibration rattling right through the wood and into my legs. What a letdown.

Fine, Let’s Poke More Holes

Okay, thought maybe I needed MORE holes, thinner wood? Sawed off a thinner slice, same size footprint. Went drill-crazy again. Tiny holes, like a zillion of them, packed super close. Felt like I was drilling forever. Looked fragile. Stomped on this one even more carefully, scared I’d crack it. Guess what? Same deal! Maybe a tiny bit more flex? Couldn’t really tell. Still loud thumping, still passing that shock right up to me. Did a little jig on it, felt ridiculous. Definitely not soaking up anything like I imagined. More like amplifying my awkward moves.

So, Did It Work? Uh…

Honestly? Nope. The hard maple timber was a big fat joke for absorbing shock from dancing. Too heavy, too stiff. Drilling holes just made it weak and noisy. Maybe if I soaked it in something for months or glued rubber on the bottom? No clue. Lost interest real fast after wasting hours getting sawdust everywhere. Lesson learned: Stick to chopping boards. Dancing requires springs or pillows, apparently. The timber was strong but utterly useless for soaking up shakes. Probs shoulda googled before starting, but where’s the fun in that? Garage smelled nice though. Might just make a coaster out of the scrap.

Also, went to the hardware store for more bits halfway through and the dude tried selling me bamboo wind chimes. How’s that gonna help? People these days. Almost argued with him about plywood prices just to blow off steam. Didn’t help the project either. Stupid day.