Why I Built This Dance Floor

My neighbor downstairs started banging on the ceiling last week when I practiced moonwalking. Again. Said my tile floor vibrations made his fancy light fixtures shake. Time to fix my wobbly apartment dance floor disaster.

Went to the hardware store grabbing random stuff:

• Cheap plywood planks (on clearance because corners were chipped)
• Rubber stall mats sold for horse stables – thick and ugly but bouncy
• Box of mismatched springs from a discount bin
• Superglue I didn’t realize was expired

The Messy Building Part

Cleared my living room first. Dog thought we were playing fetch with the plywood. Laid the horse mats down – stank like burnt tires. Cut them with my kitchen knife when the utility scissors broke. Didn’t measure twice. Obvious gaps.

Started gluing springs to the plywood bottoms. Expired superglue held about three springs before failing. Ended up duct-taping springs like a maniac – silver tape everywhere. Looked like a mad scientist’s project.

Slapped plywood pieces over the rubber mats. Stepped on a loose corner and nearly ate the carpet. Realized I’d taped springs sideways on one plank. Had to rip the tape off. Dog stole two springs.

Testing Disaster Zone

Attempted first test shuffle. Left foot sunk weirdly on uneven mats. Right foot bounced extra hard from clustered springs. Sounded like metal raccoons fighting in a dumpster. Entire contraption slid two inches toward my TV stand.

Fixed it by:

• Stuffing old socks under low spots
• Dumping sand from broken hourglass on rubber mats for grip
• Nailing plywood edges together with leftover roofing nails

Final Frankenstein Floor

Tried dancing again. Still bounced like crazy but felt softer. Jumped hard – no ceiling banging! My macarena test? Springs groaned but held. Floor jiggled but stayed put for ten whole minutes. Dog barked at vibrating planks.

It’s ugly. Tape peels everywhere. Smells faintly of barn animals. But downstairs hasn’t complained in three days. Worth every penny of that $42 I spent on half-busted materials.

What I Learned

Cheap springs plus duct tape plus desperation equals ghetto shock absorption. Doesn’t need to look pretty if the neighbors stay quiet. Next upgrade? Glow-in-the-dark spray paint to hide stains.