Why I Built a Shock Absorbing Basketball from Larch Wood

Okay, so last Tuesday I woke up with this stupid idea stuck in my head. Could I actually make a bouncy basketball out of wood? Specifically larch timber from that pile behind my shed. Everyone knows wood doesn’t bounce, right? But hell, I had some scrap pieces lying around and nothing better to do that afternoon.

First thing I grabbed was this ugly larch log. Started cutting it with my rusty handsaw – took forever just hacking away until I had something vaguely roundish. My neighbor Jim walked by and asked what the hell I was doing. “Making a bouncy ball” I yelled back. He just shook his head and kept walking. Should’ve taken that as a sign.

Next came the messy part. I hollowed out the center with a drill bit wrapped in sandpaper. Wood dust everywhere – in my hair, up my nose, probably in tomorrow’s breakfast too. Wanted a hollow core to create that air cushion effect. Measured the thickness with my kid’s school ruler and hoped it was thin enough to flex.

For shock absorption, I tried soaking rubber bands in epoxy glue and stuffing them between the wood strips. Big mistake. That crap started dripping everywhere like melted cheese. Wiped my hands on my jeans and now they’re permanently sticky. Ended up using bicycle tire tubes instead – sliced them thin and wedged pieces into the grooves.

Assembly was a nightmare sweat-fest. Clamped those curved wood slices together while the glue dried. Sweating buckets in my garage with no AC. The pieces kept sliding around like drunk spiders. Used every clamp in my toolbox plus three heavy books piled on top. Checked it after two hours – still looked like Frankenstein’s baseball.

Took the monstrosity to test at the community court. First dribble… THUD. Sounded like dropping a sack of potatoes. Second try bounced up and smacked me right in the nose. Hurt like hell and my eyes watered for ten minutes straight. Third attempt just rolled pathetically toward the storm drain.

Lessons learned:

• Wood density matters way more than I thought
• Never trust epoxy near your good jeans
• A basketball’s bounciness is actual witchcraft

Now this lumpy larch thing lives on my workbench looking sad. Might drill holes and turn it into a birdfeeder. Or just burn it in the fire pit tonight while drinking cheap beer. Stupid projects like this always sound better in your head than in real life.