Starting the Maple Floor Mess
I got this dumb idea after spilling wine on my rug during salsa night. Thought, “Wouldn’t it be slick if I could just roll out a dance floor?” Googled portable wood floors – almost choked seeing premade prices. No way. Figured I could slap my own together.
Diving Headfirst Into Lumber
Went straight to Home Depot looking like I knew stuff. Grabbed:
- Maple planks (price made my wallet cry)
- A jigsaw that felt weird in my hands
- Four giant hinges that weighed a ton
- Outdoor carpet tape stuff
- Sandpaper that made clouds of death dust
Already sweating carrying this junk to my truck.
Blood, Swear & Wood Chips
Cutting maple ain’t like slicing cake. First plank snapped crooked – yelled words kids shouldn’t hear. Measured wrong on the second try too. Third time? Kicked my tape measure across garage. Finally stacked 8 planks like puzzle pieces.
Glue part was nasty disaster. Slathered that carpet tape underneath like icing. Didn’t read instructions – sticky crap stuck to my jeans. Wife found me dancing around trying to peel it off like a spider monkey.
Attached hinges wrong way twice. Drilled holes like a woodpecker on espresso. Sanding took hours – looked like snow exploded indoors. Finished with some shiny coat stuff that reeked up the whole block.
The Moment of Truth
Waited two days – varnish still felt gummy. Pried it off garage floor with a crowbar (stupid carpet tape). Hauled it to backyard. Unfolded like an ugly carpet.Dumb thing actually lay FLAT.
Tried salsa shuffle – didn’t collapse! Neighbors laughed seeing me wiggle. One board squeaked like stepped-on mouse. But when Maria asked “where’s the dance floor?” I just…rolled it out. Her jaw dropped. Worth every splinter.
Lessons learned?
- Maple costs an arm and a leg
- Glue eats pants
- Measure forty times, cut once
- Still wobbles if you stomp
My salsa buddy called it “death trap” – then tripped on his own feet. Floor didn’t break. I call that winning.
