Alright, so this whole removable dancing birch timber thing started ’cause my neighbor’s kid was doing this school project about kinetic sculptures. Got me thinking – why not make some natural wood actually move? Birch came to mind ’cause it’s lightweight and we’ve got tons fallen in the woods nearby.
The Dumb Beginning
First, I grabbed three birch logs from the brush pile – all wrist-thin, ‘bout 2 feet long. Peeled the bark off with a pocket knife like I was skinning carrots. Made a huge sticky mess on the garage floor, wife was pissed.
Figuring Out The Wobbly Bits
Needed something to make the timber dance proper. Tried drilling holes through the logs and shoving metal rods in – total fail. Logs just spun like drunk tornadoes. Then remembered these old fishing swivels from my tackle box. Screwed one into the top of each log with rusty wood screws I had lying around.
Hung ’em from the shed rafters with fishing line:
- First try: too close together, logs clonked each other
- Second try: spaced ‘em out uneven – looked like bad teeth
- Third try: measured 6 inches apart with my tape measure holder
The Wind Test Disaster
Took my creation outside. No wind. Genius me grabbed the leaf blower. Logs whipped around like helicopter blades – smacked right into my tomato plants. RIP cherry tomatoes. Had to rethink the whole base situation.
Dug out one of those foldable plant stands nobody uses anymore:
- Chopped the top rack off with a hacksaw
- Hammered eye hooks into the stand’s frame
- Rehung the logs with shorter lines – now they couldn’t swing as wild
Finally Working (Sorta)
Took it outside again during actual breeze. Logs did this little shimmy together – kinda like line dancers after two beers. The swivels kept ‘em spinning smooth instead of tangling. Best part? When storms roll in, I just unscrew the swivels and chuck the logs in the shed. No hauling heavy sculpture crap around.
Still ain’t perfect. One log spins backward when others go forward – looks like it’s having a seizure. But hell, it moves without batteries. Next I’m painting flames on the angry log so it matches my lawn chair.
