Getting Started with Pad Dancing on My Oak Floor

So I decided to try this “pad dancing” trend everyone’s talking about. Had zero clue what I was doing, but figured my old oak floor could handle it. First step? Grabbed this worn-out yoga mat from my garage. Wasn’t even sure if that counted as a “dance pad,” but hey, free is free.

Started by dragging all my living room furniture against the walls. Nearly threw out my back moving that damn sofa. Sweeping came next – found enough dust bunnies under there to knit a sweater. Then I got on my knees and wiped that oak floor dry with an old t-shirt. No fancy cleaners, just elbow grease.

The Actual Dance Disaster

Popped my phone on the coffee table playing some hype playlist. Stepped onto the yoga mat barefoot, feeling kinda stupid. First move was just shifting weight heel-to-toe. Immediately slipped sideways like a newborn giraffe. My elbow slammed into the floor so hard the neighbors probably heard it. That oak wood felt like concrete against my bone.

Tried again holding onto the bookshelf. Managed some basic toe-taps until the mat bunched up under my feet. Curse words flew when I tripped over the wrinkled edge. Almost face-planted into my TV stand. Took a beer break after that.

Giving Up Gracefully

Came back with duct tape securing the mat corners. Last attempt: jumping in place while flailing my arms. Floorboards groaned like an old ship with every landing. Lasted maybe 90 seconds before my dog ran in barking at the noise. Called it quits when I spotted deep scuff marks near the radiator.

Results after two hours:

• Yoga mat shredded like confetti
• Three new bruises shaped like oak knots
• Permanent heel dent near the fireplace
• My dignity in pieces

Ended up scrubbing the whole floor with vinegar water. Still found glitter from last Christmas stuck in the grooves. Moral of the story? Oak floors ain’t made for hippity-hop nonsense. Next time I’ll stick to watching dance videos on the couch – zero percent chance of concussions that way.