So I finally tackled that pad dancing flooring project, been putting it off for weeks. Got this “Larch Assembled Wooden Flooring” kit delivered last Tuesday. Honestly the box looked kinda flimsy, but whatever. Here’s how it went down.

Unpacking Nightmare

Ripped open the packaging and boom – wood pieces everywhere. No instructions, just loose planks and a bag of random screws. Spent 30 minutes sorting through it all on my garage floor. Counted everything twice cause last time I did flooring, I was short three pieces.

• Main boards: 12 long ones, 8 short ones
• Connector thingies: plastic joints looked cheaper than I expected
• Screws: two different sizes, both smaller than my drill bits

The Dry Run Disaster

Tried assembling without tools first. Laid the long boards like the product pic showed. Fit was garbage – gaps everywhere. One plank had cracks near the edge. Called the supplier, they said “just work around it”. Typical.

Realized I needed to shave down the connector tabs. Grabbed my partner’s nail file cause my sandpaper vanished. Rubbed those plastic joints like I was polishing silverware. Took ages but finally got them to click better.

Drill Nightmares

Started screwing the base layer together. Halfway through, my drill died. Charged it while eating cold pizza. Second attempt – stripped three screw heads immediately. Swore loud enough the neighbors texted.

• Tip: buy extra screws. Lots extra.
• More swearing happened when I nailed my thumb

Persistence Pays Off

Took five tries to get the locking mechanism right. The planks would either jam or go loose. Finally stacked the longer boards vertically with short ones horizontal, like making a giant # symbol. Had to weigh down the corners with dumbbells overnight.

Game changer: stole my kid’s craft glue for the wobbly joints. Not elegant but worked.

Final Boss: Stability Test

Danced barefoot at 3AM to check wobbles. Middle section felt like a trampoline. Ended up screwing extra plywood chunks underneath. Looks Frankenstein-ed but doesn’t bounce anymore. Finished product’s patchy but holds my weight during spins.

Total time? Eleven hours spread over three days. Beer consumption: six-pack. Would I do it again? Hell no – next time I’m paying someone. But the creaky larch does sound cool during shuffle steps.