Alright folks, today I’m sharing how I hacked together a portable basketball court from scratch. It all started last month when my kid kept nagging about shooting hoops in our tiny driveway without wrecking his knees on concrete.

Gathering junk materials

First I rummaged through my garage for leftover junk. Found four warped plywood sheets from that abandoned bookshelf project – perfect since they were just gathering dust. Measured ’em roughly with an old tape measure I found under some oil cans. Didn’t even bother cutting ’em straight because hell, free materials right?

The cringeworthy assembly

Grabbed my rusty drill and some mismatched screws from a coffee tin. Slapped the plywood sheets side-by-side like some janky puzzle. Damn things wouldn’t align properly so I just drilled diagonal through the cracks like a caveman. Pro tip: Wear gloves unless you want splinters the size of toothpicks in your palms.

• Threw non-slip carpet tape on top (stole it from my wife’s yoga mat stash)
• Stapled garden hose rubber strips along the edges with my broken stapler
• Painted three-point lines using half-dried white paint from the shed

Epic disaster testing

First time my kid dribbled on it? Whole contraption slid downhill like a drunk sled. Had to nail cheap furniture coasters under each corner. Then came the rain – boards warped into a goddamn taco shape overnight. Ended up sealing cracks with that bathroom caulk that smelled like death.

Final result? This rickety Frankenstein court that lives folded behind my trash cans. Kid loves it though. Ball bounces like it’s drunk and the three-point line looks like a toddler drew it. But hey, total cost?

Three six-packs of beer

…plus one trip to urgent care for splinter removal.