Okay, so today’s project was a bit of a beast – laying down some new wooden flooring. The title, “keel dancing engineer assembling wooden flooring,” might sound fancy, but trust me, it was more like “guy sweating and occasionally swearing while putting wood on a floor.”

Getting Started

First things first, I cleared out the room. I mean everything. Furniture, rugs, that weird collection of bottle caps I swear I’ll use for a project someday… all gone. This gave me a nice, empty canvas to work with.

Then I checked the subfloor and that bad boy was in the place. Leveled. If it’s not, you’re gonna have a bad time. Creaks, wobbles, the whole nine yards. I used a long level and some self-leveling compound in a couple of spots to make sure everything was perfect. No, seriously. No other way around it.

The Keel (or Joists, Whatever)

Now, about that “keel” part. I am used to deal with boats! In a house, you’ve usually got joists, which are basically the wooden beams that support the floor. I inspected them to make sure they were solid, no rot or anything nasty. A couple were a bit wonky, so I sistered them – basically, added extra wood alongside to reinforce them.

Laying the Wood

• Acclimation: I let the wooden planks that I bought sit in the room for a few days. And that’s important, because wood expands and contracts with humidity, and you want it to get used to the room’s climate before you nail it down.
• First Row: The first row is the trickiest. I got some spacers to keep a gap between the wood and the wall (again, for expansion). And then I laid down the first row, making sure it was perfectly straight. Used a chalk line to guide me.
• Staggering: I continued the rows, but staggered the joints. This is important for looks, to avoid a pattern, and for stability, it makes the floor stronger.
• Nailing/Screwing: I chose to nail them down, so I pre-drilled the holes to prevent the wood from splitting. Then, I used my trusty nail gun to secure each plank. If using screws, I follow the same process.

The Dance

The “dancing” part? That’s me, moving around, kneeling, getting up, reaching for tools, and generally looking like a clumsy bear trying to do ballet. There’s a lot of up and down, and let me tell you, my knees were feeling it by the end of the day. The real engineer thing was in the measuring, cutting, and making sure everything fit together snugly.

Finishing Up

Once all the planks were down, it was time for the finishing touches. I installed baseboards to cover the expansion gap around the edges. And finally, I gave the whole floor a good cleaning to remove any sawdust or debris.

It was a long day, and I’m definitely feeling it, but it’s super satisfying to see a brand new floor that I put in. Would I call myself a “keel dancing engineer”? Maybe not. But I’m definitely a guy who can lay down a pretty decent wooden floor.