My Saturday Morning Surprise
Woke up early ready for backyard volleyball with the crew, walked outside barefoot and nearly ate splinters from that dang sleeper assembly. The wooden floor panel under the net pole had popped clean out like a rotten tooth! Whole thing was tilted sideways like a drunk pirate’s plank.
Tools & Trash Digging
Dragged my rusty toolbox from the garage. Found: three bent screws, half-empty wood glue bottle crusted shut, and a chipped hammer.
- Grabbed leftover pressure-treated 2×4 from last year’s failed birdhouse project
- Stole washers from kitchen drawer (don’t tell wife)
- Used butter knife to pry glue cap open after smacking it on concrete
The Sweaty Struggle
First tried hammering new screws straight in – wood just split like cheap chopsticks. Drilled pilot holes too small, stripped screw heads immediately. Sweating buckets when neighbor Dave wandered over with his drill. “Y’all need real tools!” he laughed while I nearly glued my fingers to the pole wrestling with that sticky mess.
MacGyver Moment
Made Frankenstein supports by stacking washers like poker chips under the screws. Cut pressure-treated chunk with dull handsaw – took forever, looked like beaver chewed it. Slapped glue everywhere like frosting, held assembly down with cinder blocks from Dave’s shed. Stood on that wobbly monstrosity while screws bit into fresh wood. Crude? Heck yeah.
Post-Game Report
Baked in sun for two hours pretending it was curing time. Tested with body weight – held! Whole crew played three hours without incident (though Dave kept side-eyeing my washer tower). Feels solid today despite looking like a toddler’s woodshop project. Key takeaways:
- Always steal bigger washers
- Wood glue survives nuclear winter
- Dave’s still judging me
Victory! 🏐
