Alright so this whole mess started last Tuesday when I walked into my backyard and saw that volleyball net, you know the one I rigged up between those two old palm trees? Totally ripped apart. Middle section hanging loose like a sad noodle. Again. Must’ve been those goddamn monkeys jumping on it overnight or some kids chucking stupid rocks. Annoying as hell.

The “Brilliant” Timber Idea

Right. Needed a proper fix this time. Forget that cheap nylon rope nonsense. Lasted five minutes. Remembered I had that big chunk of rubber tree timber leftover from when the storm knocked down the corner tree a few months back. It was just rotting by the shed. Perfect. Tough stuff, rubber wood. Water-resistant too. Decided then and there: cutting a solid piece of that timber to brace the net center. Make it bulletproof.

Went and grabbed the saw. Not the fancy electric one, nah, the old hand saw covered in rust spots. Could barely find it under the pile of junk bags in the shed. Almost sliced my finger off wrestling it out. Dust flew everywhere. Made me cough like crazy. Had to wipe my eyes before I could see the damn log properly.

Hacking the Log to Shape

Alright, log was about this thick. Bigger than my thigh. Way too bulky. Plonked it onto my wobbly workbench – that thing squeaks like a dying cat whenever you put weight on it. Took forever just to mark a decent section about the length of my arm, wide enough to span where the net tore. Eyeballed it because my measuring tape disappeared again. Probably used it to prop open a window last monsoon.

• Started sawing. Oh man, it was tough. Rubber wood ain’t soft. Felt like I was trying to chew through concrete. Sweat pouring down my neck, my back hurting after just a few strokes.
• Saw kept jamming. Wood was too damn green still. Had to stop every few seconds to wiggle the blade free. Nearly yanked my shoulder out doing it.
• Finally got through one side. Flipped the log over. Muscle ache already hitting. Started sawing the other end. Blisters were definitely forming. Could feel it.
• Took me like forty minutes of grunting and sawdust inhalation just to cut out one stupid chunk. Looked rough as guts, edges all splintery. Didn’t care. Just wanted it done.

Rigging the Net & Hoping for the Best

Got the net itself. Washed it off first – covered in mud and dead leaves. Used a bucket of rainwater collecting near the gutter. Didn’t wanna drag the hose across the yard. Laziness wins. Carried the wet, heavy net back and dropped it by the log piece.

Now the fun part: figuring how to strap the log to the net. Took the sturdiest rope I could find – actually just three pieces of thin nylon cord braided together. Probably not ideal. Started wrapping. Pulled the net taut around the timber chunk. First loop slid right off. Damn smooth wood. Had to really haul on the cords, knots so tight my fingers hurt tying them. Used a triple knot like you’d tie a crazy tight balloon. Wrapped the cords around the timber ends and the net cords all over the place. Basically made a giant wooden splint held on by what looked like a rope spiderweb. Looked messy as sin.

Got the neighbor kid, Prakash, to hold the loose ends while I hauled the main ropes back to my palm trees. Tied it up high on the trunks. Tugged hard on the timber brace in the middle. Thing didn’t budge. Solid.

The “Test”

Grabbed an old tennis ball, not a volleyball. Too lazy to find the good one. Chucked it hard right at the center brace. Thunk. Hit the timber dead on. Net wobbled a bit but held firm. Ball bounced back. Did it again. And again. Still holding. Prakash whacked it with a stick a few times. Timber didn’t crack, knots didn’t slip. Good enough for me.

Whole thing took most of the morning, sweaty and covered in sawdust and mud. Looks totally Frankenstein, sure, but hey, that net ain’t sagging or tearing again anytime soon. Volleyball’s back on the menu. Just gotta hope the monkeys don’t learn to use tools next.