Alright, today I’m sharing my messy journey putting together that fixed volleyball pine flooring in my backyard. Seriously though, why are wood assembly instructions always like hieroglyphics? Started with unloading those heavy pine planks from the truck – nearly threw my back out wrestling with the third one. Pro tip: bribe a neighbor with beer for this part.
Staging The Battlefield
First up, cleared out all the random junk piled in that corner: old flower pots, busted lawn chairs, even found a petrified sandwich from 2019. Swept the concrete slab till it shined. Then I eyeballed the layout while chain-drinking coffee.
Supplies carnage:
- Pine flooring bundle (duh)
- Rubber mallet that left blue stains on everything
- Weird clamp thingies that pinched my fingers constantly
- Measuring tape that retracted like a pissed-off snake
- Wax crayon for marking cuts (ended up using charcoal)
The Click-Clack Nightmare
Thought connecting the planks would be plug-and-play. Ha! Spent 20 minutes trying to make Board A tongue fit into Board B groove before realizing I had it upside down. Got mad, flipped it, then whacked it with the mallet – BAM! Felt like a caveman discovering fire. Halfway through, realized the whole thing started curving like a banana. Had to dismantle twelve planks because I forgot the expansion gap. Cue internal screaming.
Oh, and cutting around that annoying concrete pillar? Measured twice, cut once, still came out crooked. Made four rescue trips to the hardware store for extra boards after my “adjustments” went wild. Sawdust coated my hair like confetti.
Finishing Feels
After two sunburns and fourteen bandaids, slammed in the last plank. Stepped back to admire it… and instantly saw three gaps wide enough to lose car keys in. Kicked the edge in frustration – then noticed it didn’t wobble. Surprise! That fixed joint actually held. Spilled soda on it as a stress test – wiped right off. The neighbor’s kid tested it by cannonballing – floor didn’t care. Maybe I accidentally did something right?
Final verdict? Looks janky if you stare too close, but damn that ball bounces true. Worth every splinter. Moral: always buy extra wood for the rage-fueled mistakes.
