Kicking Things Off
Woke up this morning realizing my backyard volleyball court’s wooden flooring looked like a dumpster fire after winter. Boards were warped like bananas and nails sticking out everywhere. Figured larch wood would survive the apocalypse since it’s tougher than my mother-in-law’s meatloaf.
Gathering the Mess
Dragged all the crap outta my shed first:
- That crusty circular saw from 2012 with half the teeth missing
- Random nails mixed with screws in a Folgers coffee can
- Measuring tape with the hook bent sideways
- Six warped larch planks sitting under my leaky gutter
The Struggle Bus Ride
Started by yanking out the rotten boards – splinters went flying into my coffee cup. Took three tries to measure right ’cause the tape kept retracting like a scared turtle. When I fired up the saw, it sounded like a dying chainsaw and spat sawdust straight into my eyeballs.
Had to re-cut two planks ’cause I misread the measurements. Hammered my thumb twice trying to pound nails into knots – yelled words that made the neighbor’s dog bark. The “level” part got ugly when plank four sat higher than the others like a stubborn zit.
Making It Work Anyway
Ended up shoving wood shims under the crooked board like I was playing Jenga. Screwed everything down extra tight using those random screws from the coffee can – figured rust adds character. Slapped sandpaper over the splintery spots until my arms felt like spaghetti.
Tested it by jumping up and down like a maniac. Held together when I landed! Finished by pouring beer over the new boards – my personal “sealant”. Looks janky as hell but hey, the ball bounces straight now.
Epilogue
Gotta replace that ancient saw before next summer. Still picking sawdust outta my hair though.
