Getting Started

So last Tuesday I hauled those wooden planks into my living room thinking “this can’t be too hard.” Read the instructions three times, still felt lost. Grabbed my rubber mallet, measuring tape, and that weird plastic spacer thingies. First mistake? Forgetting knee pads. My poor joints screamed after two hours.

The Nail-Biting Process

Tore out the old carpet and found uneven concrete underneath. Spent half a day leveling it with that gritty leveling compound – looked like mixing pancake batter gone wrong. Waited overnight praying it’d dry solid. Next morning, laid the vapor barrier plastic. Felt like wrapping a giant gift box when you hate gift-wrapping.

Started clicking those tongue-and-groove boards together along the longest wall. Whacked ’em with the mallet till my palms blistered. Every five rows, checked alignment like my life depended on it. The wall corners were pure evil – measured three times, cut once, still botched two planks. Sawdust everywhere.

Battle of the Flooring

When I got near the closet, discovered the door frame wasn’t square. Had to undercut the jamb with a handsaw crawling on my belly like a soldier. Cutoff piece fell in my eye. Swore violently. Trimmed the last row using a circular saw in the driveway – neighbors probably thought I was murdering squirrels.

Final Stretch

Pounded in the last nail with sweaty hands at 1am. Staggered back to admire the work. Realized I’d installed one board upside-down near the fireplace. Left it there as my “humble signature.” Next morning walked barefoot across it – that solid thunk underfoot made me grin like an idiot.

Key takeaways if you try this:

• Buy 15% extra wood for screwups
• Borrow or rent a pneumatic floor nailer (hand-nailing is medieval torture)
• Ignore online videos saying this takes one weekend
• Beer should only happen AFTER the last nail

My back’s still sore, but damn – walking on wood you installed yourself? Worth every splinter.