Alright so today I gotta spill about my rubber tree timber mess. See, I’ve got this big ol’ rubber tree in the backyard goin’ crazy sideways every time the wind blows. Branches dancin’ like they’re at a rave, smackin’ against the shed. Had enough, figured I’d make some timber supports.

The Wobbly Wood Saga

First I tries choppin’ decent branches with my rusty handsaw. Big mistake – wood’s all rubbery like the name says. Chunks came out lookin’ bent as old bananas. Tossed those ugly things straight into the fire pit.

My salvage operation:

• Dug through garage junk pile – found bent nails, half-empty concrete bags, busted bike inner tubes
• Took apart some busted lawn chair frames like a raccoon tearin’ open trash bags
• Stole my kid’s playground sandbox shovel – don’t worry I’ll put it back maybe

Slapped three sketchy timbers together using:

• Chair pipes as spines (still had some weird floral stickers on ’em)
• Stuffed gaps with soggy concrete mix that felt like cold oatmeal
• Wrapped the whole mess with inner tubes while the glue gun dripped on my flip flops

Got them standing crooked by the tree looking drunk. Next big storm rolls in – rain sideways, howlin’ wind. I’m peekin’ through kitchen curtains like some paranoid squirrel expecting total disaster. Morning comes…

Against All Odds

Those janky posts held up! Timber ain’t pretty but it ain’t dancin’ neither. Was feelin’ like some backyard Einstein till I tripped over concrete leftovers and face-planted into muddy grass. Classic.

Why this nonsense matters?

• My wife’s been nagging for months about replacing that tree
• Nursery quoted stupid money for removal
• Whole neighborhood committee hates it – Karen next door filed 3 complaints

Truth is I kinda love fighting this battle. That tree’s been here since my grandpa planted it in his overalls. Now every time Karen glares over the fence I wave from under my rubbery mess knowing my half-baked timber hack outlived her fancy azaleas AGAIN.