How I Tackled My Damn Wobbly Dance Floor

Okay so my garage dance floor’s been driving me nuts lately. Every time I’d shuffle left, this one board near the west wall went thump-thump-thump like some crappy techno beat. Nearly tripped over it doing my c-walk last Tuesday. Said screw it, gonna fix this trash myself.

Grabbed my rusty toolbox from under the sink – knew I’d need pliers, hammer, that bent screwdriver that somehow always gets the job done. Headed to the hardware store for wood putty ’cause my floor ain’t no spring chicken. Saw these fancy wood stabilizers but hell no, they cost more than my month’s coffee budget.

Started yanking out the loose screws with my pliers – two came out lookin’ all rusted and sad. Found some gnarly cracks hiding under the dust bunnies. Packed that putty in the gaps like I was frosting a cake, probably used way too much but whatever. While it dried, I chugged a beer standing over my half-crippled dance floor.

Then came the annoying part: Hunting for solid spots to drill new screws since the old holes were shot. Took like three tries per hole ’cause the drill kept sliding on this greasy patch. Sweating buckets when I finally sank those bad boys in deep. Pounded ’em extra hard with my hammer for good measure – showed that floor who’s boss.

Tested it by stomping around like an elephant. No more death rattle! Did my moonwalk from corner to corner – smooth as butter. Still ain’t no professional job, got putty smears lookin’ like modern art, but hey it’s stable now. Might spill less whiskey next practice session.