Got that basketball itch again today, so I decided to hit the local gym court. Dug out my old sneakers from the closet – dust bunnies flew everywhere when I grabbed ’em. Threw on a ragged tank top and headed out, ball tucked under my arm like a toddler.
Warm-up Struggles
First thing? Awkward stretching near the bleachers. My hamstrings screamed when I tried touching my toes – felt like trying to fold a rusty lawn chair. Jogged lazy laps around the court perimeter, pretending not to notice two teenagers snickering at my grandpa pace.
Dribble Disaster
Tried simple crossovers near half-court. Ball slipped like a greased pig twice. Wiped sweat on my shorts and glared at that stupid shiny floor. Remembered a YouTube tip about low dribbles: bent my knees like squatting over a public toilet. Worked better! Still lost control when speeding up though.
- Problem: Ball kept bouncing too high off hardwood
- Fix: Smacked it harder downward with fingertips
- Result: Less wild ricochets, more pathetic fumbling
Shooting Woes
Moved under the basket for layups. First three attempts? Complete airballs. Embarrassing. Focused on jumping off left foot while tossing with right hand – felt like patting head while rubbing belly. Finally made one, but my elbow cracked loud enough to echo.
Stepped back for jump shots. Aimed at the backboard’s little square like everyone says. Missed eight times straight before hitting rim. Swore under my breath when a retiree in sweatpants sank effortless swishes from my same spot.
Fake Wins
Practiced defensive slides in paint area. Squeaky sneakers sounded like tortured mice. Tried a spin move pretending to dodge imaginary opponents – almost faceplanted when my heel slid too far on dust.
Quitting Gracefully
Checked phone: exhausted after 40 minutes. Chugged warm water while leaning on that sticky scorekeeper’s table. Limped toward exits feeling 20 years older. Made peace with my brick shots by pretending “rebound practice” was always the plan.
Overall? That slippery gym floor kicked my butt. But hey – actually sweated through my shirt and didn’t break anything. Calling that a victory. Might try again Thursday if the Advil kicks in.
